A/N: Can I just say before I start this chapter that I’m so sorry that there has been such a big break in between the last chapter and this one but I haven’t been able to write
because of my depression. This chapter and a couple more I need to get pictures for have actually been lying finished and just lying around for a while now. I am however trying to move this legacy along so that I can get to the next generation. Also, as a last note I would like to say that some of the pictures don’t line up exactly with the words because some of the things just aren’t possible in the game or I don’t have the exact same thing ( for instance a bottle that is meant to be Bourbon but is actual a bottle of beer because that’s the only bottle I had). Lastly, I know I have a warning at the side of this blog but I’m going to put one here as well: this chapter has some swearing in it near the end.
The dreams started that night. They were of everything I had begun to hate about myself since it happened only it wasn’t Rue that was in the dream and kissing me. It was someone even more disturbing because, if I was dreaming about her then a part of me must feel some kind of attraction to her. Just that very thought made me sick to my stomach. I was straight! I was normal! I barely got any sleep that night because between the headache I had from my constant crying and the tossing and turning I was doing because of my dreams I could barely relax enough to sleep and then when I did I would have the dream again which would start the whole cycle over again. It was because of this that when my alarm rang the next morning I immediately switched it off before either of my parents could hear it and burrowed myself deeper into my covers. I kept trying to convince myself that if I went to sleep when I woke up none of this would have happened to me even though I knew it wasn’t true.
I drifted in and out of consciousness for about an hour or so before my mother finally realised I was still in the house and came to wake me. I was actually surprised that she hadn’t realised earlier with my car still being parked out front. She came into my room without knocking first but that was pretty much normal for her. She didn’t respect anyone’s privacy. The first thing she did when she came into my room was walk over to my windows, pulled back my curtains and opened the windows as wide as they would go because she knew that annoyed me really badly; there was a lot of bugs that lived outside my bedroom window so I liked to keep it shut at all times so they couldn’t get in. My mother on the other hand seemed to enjoy opening my window to let them in just to see my squirm when I finally discovered them in my room.
“Could you not?” I mumbled from underneath my duvet. The top of my head was peeking out so I could see her turn around to look at me. She looked calm but from past experiences I knew that she was probably angry underneath that facade?”
“You know I’m just gonna shut it again when I get up so why do you bother?” I mumbled the question mostly to myself. I could barely make out what I’d said because I’d said it into my duvet so I’m not sure if she did or not. If she did hear she was pretending she hadn’t. She walked slowly and deliberately around my room tidying all the little things that I never bothered too as she moved. Finally she stopped and turned around to face me again before she spoke to me.
“Get up; you are going to be late” there was a slight bite to her tone that told me she was angry with me but apart from that she showed no other signs. She was just that good an actress.
“I…I…” I started to say but I couldn’t get the rest out. I’d been fully prepared to tell her that I couldn’t go into work because I was sick but when it actually came down to it I couldn’t. Not after what I’d done. Maybe I should just quit like my parents hoped I would. That would make them happy and keep me away from thoughts about…it doesn’t even matter.
“You what? Is this the day you are finally going to see the light and quit this little internship and your little association with that damned Connors family ?” she sneered the name Connors but apart from that she actually sounded happy. Normally I would have hated anything that made my mother happy but after what I’d done last night I was just glad that she was still speaking to me. What I’d done was truly despicable.
“I’m sorry mother but I can’t just walk away from this internship, it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity for me” I said quietly when I finally pushed myself out of my bed. The strangest thing happened to me when I was speaking; I actually did feel sorry for not being able to give my mother what she wanted for once. I had to be a better daughter to them than I was now. Maybe if I did that then these dreams would go away? It could never change what had already been done but it could possibly change the future. I was still kind of hoping that the dreams were just a onetime thing because of what had happened last night. Hopefully they would just go away and I could go back to being semi-normal. With that in mind I decided to get up and go into work after all. I’d maybe ran away from my problems last night only to encounter more problems but at least today I could face one or two of those problems face on.
I got into work a little over 15 minutes late but no one really seemed to care. The only person who even remotely mentioned it was Ronald when I passed his desk. Even then he never came out right and said I was late, he just mentioned in passing that he’d put my work on my desk for me which was really sweet of him. Corrin didn’t speak to me at all. In fact she didn’t even look up when I came in. I wondered what was wrong with her because her face was blanker than ever, if that was even possible. I felt horrible immediately for thinking it but I was rather glad that she’d decided to ignore me because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to look at her without my face getting red all over. It just so happened that a certain blond co-worker of mine had been the star of my dreams last night; Dreams that I was doing my best to forget ever existed in the first place. Even now, just standing near where she was sitting I could feel my face beginning to heat up and the dreams starting to fight their way back into the front of my mind. I swallowed harshly, almost chocking as I did so, and lowered my head in an, almost certainly failed, effort to hide my burning cheeks as I scurried past to claim my empty desk in the corner; as far away from Corrin as possible in our small office.
My work was laid out in a neat pile on my desk when I slid into my chair just as Ronald said it would be, not that I doubted him or anything, it was just I wasn’t used to people being so nice to me without expecting something in return. I picked up my first file and busied myself with it whilst secretly praying that the burning I could currently feel in my cheeks would eventually go away if I concentrated on my work hard enough. The file was trivial and dull which wasn’t really helping me take my mind off of last night’s dream. It was slowly becoming the only thing I could think of which was beginning to drive me insane. I was hyper aware of Corrin because of that and so every time she got up to get a fresh coffee or to get some more paperwork from the cabinet of files near Cameron’s office I found my eyes drawn to her instantly. A small part of me, which was growing larger the longer I watched her, wanted to run up to her and kiss her like I had in my dream but I made myself stay seated because the very idea of doing that again was so very, very, wrong. I kept telling myself that it was disgusting and repulsive but it was a losing battle because even the part of my brain that knew how wrong these thoughts were was beginning to get curious as to whether kissing Corrin in real life would be anything like my dream had made it out to be. What kind of warped person was I for wanting that? Maybe I was the weirdo, the reject, that so many of my school peers had claimed I was. I mean, I had to be for wanting what my dream had been so determined to tell me I wanted. I had to get up from here, maybe get a drink or something, because if I stayed here trying not to outright let my eyes wander over to Corrin I had a very bad feeling that I was going to end up doing something I would really regret later. Somewhat hastily I jumped up from me seat, sort of slamming it back as I did so, in a desperate need to get away from the thoughts that were starting to fly through my head at a rapid pace.
Somewhat hastily I jumped up from me seat, sort of slamming it back as I did so, in a desperate need to get away from the thoughts that were starting to fly through my head at a rapid pace.
My legs shook as I began walking towards the small kitchen area we had in the office towards the fancy coffee maker that I’d sort of helped Cameron pick out last week when the old one had stopped working. I’d never really been one for coffee (I absolutely hated the smell, so much so that to this day it still made me feel nauseous) but when my dad was nervous about something he would always drink it to calm him down. I at least had to give it a try. Maybe it was the answer to all my problems at this moment in time. Maybe I could regain control of my wayward thoughts if I could regain control of my nerves. Dear God, how I hoped that would work! My hands shook ever so slightly when I tried to put the little instant coffee packet inside the machine.
The shaking got worse when the packet refused to slide into the little slot like Cam had shown me the other day. I felt like screaming in frustration and about the unfairness and injustice in the world but really what good would that do, apart from frustrate me some more? I was still fiddling with the damnable coffee machine and whilst trying to steady my hands when I felt someone walk up behind me. At first I thought it was Ronald coming to see if I was okay because I hadn’t really spoken to him all day which was unusual for me but I’d just been far too preoccupied by the mess going on in my head right now. I prepared myself to apologize to Ronald for being so rude to him all day but when I turned around and saw that it wasn’t Ronald but instead a very concerned, albeit sad looking, Corrin all the words I’d been practising in my head to say to him flew out the window and my mouth became bone dry.
“I…I…I” I tried to say but my mouth was so dry that nothing came out which was probably a good thing. My hands shook something fierce though no matter how hard I tried to stop them. They yearned to reach out to her, to feel what her skin felt like against mine,
to kiss her and see if I felt anything like my dream No, stop that! I was not attracted to Corrin! I was straight! I would never be gay because being gay was wrong! It was against everything my parents had taught me when I was growing up.
“Do you…uh…do you need some help?” Corrin asked softly.
Her voice was like a sweet melody to my ears Nope I wasn’t going there! Her voice just sounded normal to me. I wrung my still shaking hands behind my back in an effort to hide them from her inquisitive yet mournful eyes. For some reason that I really couldn’t be bothered trying to decipher Corrin seemed as nervous as me. Her eyes flicked back and forth landing on anything that wasn’t me.
“I…” I took a deep breath and tried to moisten my lips but nothing seemed to be working. Did I need her help? No, not really. She couldn’t help me with the weird things running through my head. In fact if I did tell her what was going on she would probably be disgusted with me. She would probably be one of those people that went back and told my parents how weird and completely wrong I was inside. No, I couldn’t trust her with this. It looked like she had her own problems to deal with anyway, or at least, that’s what I tried to tell myself. I had to see Cameron. I knew for a fact that, even if he didn’t understand where I was coming from or what I was going through he would never go away and tell anyone on me. I could trust him 100%.
“W…where’s Cameron?” I managed to get out in a sort of hushed whisper before my mouth dried up again. My tongue felt like it was permanently attached to the roof of my mouth. Both of our eyes instantly shot over to Cameron’s office door which looked like it had remained locked since last night.
“He…uh…he never came in this morning. I don’t…um…I don’t know where he is” Corrin eventually answered me after a few seconds that seemed to stretch on for what felt like forever. In that time our heads had turned back to face each other and our eyes had met. Her eyes showed pain deep down in them and I’m not sure what mine showed but I really wished they hadn’t. Having eye contact like this with her was making it harder than ever to control my horrible thoughts. The urge to kiss her was beginning to reach unbearable heights and I honestly had no idea if I could resist for much longer no matter how wrong I knew it was.
Luckily it was at that precise moment that Cameron walked (well, more like staggered) into the office. I was honestly shocked at his appearance 1) because I don’t think I’d seem him out of his work clothes before and the ratty sweatshirt and jeans that were hanging from his tall frame right now were a far cry from his usual clothes and 2) because there was massive bags under his eyes and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He also looked sort of ill with his usual tan becoming a ghastly white colour. What was going on around here, first Corrin and now Cameron? Was it just that kind of week.
“Mr Connor’s are you okay? You don’t look well” Ronald’s formal tone came from over at his desk. In all this confusion with Corrin and then with Cameron staggering in I had almost forgotten entirely about Ronald’s presence in the office.
“Mind your own business and leave me the fuck alone!” Cameron sneered as he made his way across the main office to his private one. What the heck?! Where had that come from? For as long as I’d known Cameron he had always treated Ronald as a sort of uncle-like figure so I had never though he’d speak to him like that. Even then I was in complete shock at hearing Cameron curse like he had. Call me naïve if you will but hearing Cameron curse was probably only the second or third time I’d ever heard anyone curse so I wasn’t used to it at all. My eyes went wide and in my shock I was able to get over my jumbled thoughts to turn around to see that Corrin was staring at Cameron with pretty much the same look I imagined I had on my face currently.
“No need to talk like that son” Ronald spoke softly. It was easy to tell that he’d been hurt by Cameron’s last words to him but he was trying to hide it. When you’d spent as much time staying quiet and studying people as I had though, you picked up a knack for when people were trying to hide certain emotions.
“Would you shut up you old fart and get back to work!” Cameron slurred as he began trying to fit his key in the locked door of his office without much luck. I sort of wanted to go over and help him but I was still in too much shock to even move a single muscle. Turning around to face the rest of us he screamed “That goes for the rest of you too” before he finally managed to unlock his door. He almost ran into his unlocked office with a huge sigh of relief before slamming the door hard behind him.
“Well, that was rude” Corrin scoffed several minutes after Cameron had disappeared into his office. Her voice breaking the silence was able to break through my state of complete and utter shock enough that I was able to unlock my muscles enough to walk over to Cameron’s door whilst Corrin went back over to her desk. Both she and Ronald shot me anxious looks that I did my best to ignore as I walked straight past them to Cameron’s office. I raised my fist to knock softly on the glass of his door before I realized that my hand was still shaking badly. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea? Maybe I didn’t know Cameron as well as I thought I did? Maybe I couldn’t trust him after all? By the time I’d come to that realization and pulled my hand away it was already too late because Cameron had seen me and was beckoning me inside. I wanted to turn around and run like the coward I was but that would no doubt have serious consequences if I did so instead I forced myself to go inside his office and close the door behind me as he’d directed when I opened the door. Once inside the office the first thing I noticed was that Cameron had basically thrown all the paperwork and little trinkets off of his desk, they lay scattered haphazardly on the floor around his desk as if he’d just swept them off his desk like they meant nothing to him. The only things that sat on his desk now were a large bottle of bourbon and a small glass that was filled with the stuff. It smelled so strong that I could smell it from where I was standing. Whilst I was standing there like a complete idiot, not knowing what to say or what to do, Cameron picked up his glass and began drinking from it. He didn’t just take a sip either, he drank nearly half the glass before slamming it back down on the table and turning to glare at me.
“What do you want?” he asked me in a cold, callous voice. I had no idea what to say. I was way in over my head. I mean, what do you say to someone who so obviously doesn’t want you to talk to them, someone who wants nothing more than to be left along? I really should have just stayed in my bed this morning. It seemed like since I’d gotten up all I’d done was cause more damage.
“You…You looked upset. I just…I wanted to come and make sure you were okay?” I finally managed to get out after several excruciatingly long moments. I wish I’d never bothered though because as soon as the words were out of my mouth Cameron made this harsh laughing sound before he went back to his drink. For a moment I thought he was just going to finish off his half full glass but his hand went right past that, straight to the almost full bottle that sat beside it.
“I’m just peachy” he sneered at me before he went back for another drink from his bottle. “If that’s all can you get back to work” his words were softer after his second drink but they still held the same bite to them as they had before. Even with him giving me an easy escape with his dismissal I still wasn’t sure what I should do. I couldn’t just leave him when he was like this but at the same time I really, really didn’t want to be involved in this sort of drama right now.
“But…are you…?” I didn’t even know what to say to him to even slightly improve his mood and stop him drowning himself in, what I’m sure would be, a very expensive bottle of bourbon. It didn’t even matter how good my intentions were or what I had to say on the matter because in the end he didn’t even give me a chance to finish my sentence.
“I told you to get back to damn work and leave me the hell alone!” Cameron finally screamed at me, half rising out of his chair as he did so. His shouting shocked me so much that I could literally feel myself shaking as tears begun to form in my eyes.
I didn’t bother looking back at Cameron as I made my hasty retreat out of his office and back to my own desk but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. I stayed at my desk the rest of the day, afraid to move a single inch. Luckily I’d managed to stop myself shaking (well down to my hands anyway) and I’d managed to stop myself crying after the first couple of tears. I got the feeling that both Ronald and Corrin wanted to ask me what had happened in Cameron’s office but I think they could tell I didn’t want to talk about it because they never dared ask. I barely got any work done that day due to the fact that I just couldn’t concentrate on it; the words just seemed to scramble around on the screen which only led to me getting a severe headache. For the first time in my life I really couldn’t wait to get home.